haizzzzz

it's been long since i updated here. things have been hectic, exhausting. life currently revolves around teaching. and so i shall only afford to talk about that. -.-

5 weeks to go (and so is ramadhan). seriously saying, i feel like quitting! actually, to think about it, every job lets me to think that way too. heh. reason is because the students are just inconsiderate. hur hur. in other words, i get bullied. cis la!

it's my fault too, that i started out giving them face. i don't have any rules for them, i dint show myself as the boss. i let them say and do whatever they feel like, just as long as they don't go over the boundaries. i guess this is where i'm naive at. i mean, they're just sec 1s, they should need to be taught right at the beginning. it's as bad as in other teachers had to come into the class to control the students. and when they do that, it's kinda like taking the power away from me. so it'll be like the students will only be scared of so and so but not me. you know what i'm saying?

and some of the students, oh some of them! ...where should i start? not a day goes by without me sleeping not thinking about them. i pray and pray for them. they're always on my mind. i just don't want them to grow up astray. how can i help? how can i help? how?? i'm trying to get close to them, but then i just realised, the way the perceive me and the way i perceive them is just different.

i don't know what kind of mother will i become if i ever get to be one. it seems like words of wisdom just can't find it's way out to tell....