i got this from e-mail:

Wake up 4 Fajar (Subuh) Prayers

A man woke up early in order to pray the
Fajr Prayer at the masjid. He got dressed, made his
ablution and was on is way to the masjid.
On his way to the masjid, the man
fell and his clothes got dirty.

He got up, brushed himself off, and
headed home. At home, he changed his clothes, made his
ablution, and was, again, on his way to the masjid.

On his way to the masjid, he fell again
and at the same spot! He, again, got up, brushed himself
off and headed home. At home he, once again, changed his clothes, made his
ablution and was on his way to the masjid.

On his way to the masjid, he met a man
holding a lamp. He asked the man of his identity and the
man replied I saw you fall twice on your way to the masjid, so I brought
a lamp so I can light your way.' The first man thanked him
profusively and the two where on their way to the masjid.

Once at the masjid, the first man asked
the man with the lamp to come in and pray Fajr with him.
The second man
refused. The first man asked him a couple more times and,
again, the answer was the same. The first man asked him why he did not
wish to come in and pray. The man replied,'I am Satan (devil/evil)' The man was shocked at this reply. Satan
went on to explain, 'I saw you on your way to the
masjid and it was I who made you fall. When you went home, cleaned yourself and
went back on your way to the masjid, Allah forgave all of your sins.

I made you fall a second time, and even
that did not encourage you to stay home, but rather, you
went back on your way to the masjid.
Because of that, Allah forgave all the sins of the people of your household

I was AFRAID if i made you fall one more time,
then Allah will forgive the sins of the people of your village,
so i made sure that you reached the masjid safely!'

So do not let Satan benefit from his actions.
Do not put off a good that you intended to do as you never know
how much reward you might receive from the hardships you
encounter while trying to achieve that good.May Allah Subhanahu Wata'ala grant us to be perfect Muslim heart n we all do our prayers with our Heart and Soul....Ameen.

reminds me of ayatul kursi. anyone knows of the story??

It is reported by way of Abu Hurairah (radiAllahu anhu) that someone used to come upon him and take from the charity – which the Prophet (salAllahu alayhi wasalam) had made him guardian over – night after night, so on the third night, he said: "I will report you to the Messenger of Allah (salAllahu alayhi wasalam), the man said: 'Let me teach you some phrases with which Allah will cause you benefit’ – they were very eager for good – so he said: 'When you go to, read ayat al-kursi (Verse 255 of Surah Al-Baqarah) completely, for there is still upon you from Allah a guardian, and no shaitan can get close to you until you enter upon morning.' Then he (salAllahu alayhi wasalam) said: "He told you the truth and he is a liar, (that was a shaitan).
[Sahih Al-Bukhari]

burn

my two favourites for the moment...


another version of this ^^ video is a heartbreaking one about ikhwanul muslimin




***
i duno how.. i duno how!! how to stop this?? been smiling all the way home. and til now.


cheeky, cheeky students. sheesh!

Be or still be....

sometimes the kids can suck the blood out of you and the next moment, when you see a different group of them it makes you feel all warm inside and smile from ear to ear. then some else would wonder why you smile, thinking you should belong to IMH.

tragically, i suffered a minor trauma after what happened during the week we had mask-making. the classroom was a horrible mess, the lessons were a riot and most were irresponsible for their work. teachers again, had to come in, checking out if everything's fine. i wished i'd had the power like they do- just by a whistle blow, the screamings and awful laughters would literally drop dead.

the last class i had the lesson with was awfully hilariously sweet (the one with the video). they stayed back after school to help me clean up. but of course, i should have expected they wanted something out from it, which was the plaster cast :8/

same thing happened again today. but this time, they're sincere. sec-one-TECHNICAL-one.

i LOVE the kids. really, i do. i eat and sleep thinking of them. i pray for them night and day. i wouldn't mind all that plays but i wish, i really wish, that they try their best in doing their works. i'm giving my best, staying back for hours for the sake of them, trying to do more than what i should. but sadly, it seems like my effort were not reciprocated.

still, i'm grateful. the praises and serenades i get from them... the fun we're having.

ever since i get myself out from the sorrows i had with FYP and ahem, and then get involved with fityan-ghufran, it changed my whole perspective of serving. and with what's going on now, the 2 jobs in my hand and school, i push myself to the greatest extent and still keep pushing. made me realise and understand the meaning of the words of ustazah badriyah to her daughter:

Be strong! Be fast! Be steadfast! Be patient! Don't despair for Allah is there! Don't be lazy! Don't care about wealth! Don't be weak! Aid the poor! Compete for Allah! Anywhere also can sleep! (but not anyhow sleep one!) Pray when everyone else is asleep! Learn! Teach! Share! Read! Sprint Muna, sprint!

redha, ikhlas. all for the sake of Allah.
yakin, taqwa. Allah is in the east and the west, and wherever we turn to.

rahmat, nikmat. victory for those who stand by Him.

last but not least, sesuaikan diri kita dengan hukum peraturan bukan sebaliknya.

wassalam.

haizzzzz

it's been long since i updated here. things have been hectic, exhausting. life currently revolves around teaching. and so i shall only afford to talk about that. -.-

5 weeks to go (and so is ramadhan). seriously saying, i feel like quitting! actually, to think about it, every job lets me to think that way too. heh. reason is because the students are just inconsiderate. hur hur. in other words, i get bullied. cis la!

it's my fault too, that i started out giving them face. i don't have any rules for them, i dint show myself as the boss. i let them say and do whatever they feel like, just as long as they don't go over the boundaries. i guess this is where i'm naive at. i mean, they're just sec 1s, they should need to be taught right at the beginning. it's as bad as in other teachers had to come into the class to control the students. and when they do that, it's kinda like taking the power away from me. so it'll be like the students will only be scared of so and so but not me. you know what i'm saying?

and some of the students, oh some of them! ...where should i start? not a day goes by without me sleeping not thinking about them. i pray and pray for them. they're always on my mind. i just don't want them to grow up astray. how can i help? how can i help? how?? i'm trying to get close to them, but then i just realised, the way the perceive me and the way i perceive them is just different.

i don't know what kind of mother will i become if i ever get to be one. it seems like words of wisdom just can't find it's way out to tell....

ok, let's try again.

to see a dear friend moving on to another chapter leaves me stunned while trying to shake off the thoughts of future prospect for me. i'm still very bothered of where i'd end myself with... how and what will it be like? i'm really afraid, in every sense of the word.

i had dreams and goals, but they never come to reality. i have expectations but they bring me further to unexpected. i had plans, but i only got to play a part of it.

and now, i just don't know...

kids

oh my god! though it's only just about 6 hrs a day but it really is draining! i still sleep in the bus every time on the way home. was in a weird position today... was leaning to the side against the air. yup. the air!

2nd week in school. i think the kids are great. kinda feels like i'm one of them when being around them... only that i know more of stuffs. i enjoy working this way. i mean, the lessons are all planned out, and repetitive for every other class. so it's easy. the headache part comes when thinking for the sec 3s. they get restless after having the same thing over and over again. i have a plan up my sleeves. will try it next week.

i guess it's kinda a relieve for the kids knowing that their teacher's away for quite awhile. coz from what i found out, the form teacher is very strict. even the tables wouldn't be as dirty as it is now. ok, for that part, i forgot... always think it's just a minor issue. heh. of course with a teacher like that, works always get done. unlike mine, i try to minimal the load so they can finish by the end of the lesson. still, their done pieces aren't really up to standard. i wonder if it's because of my way of teaching. but they're adorable still, and sometimes funny. can see that the students enjoy the work, but only when we let their imaginations run free. as in, i do encourage them to be creative in their own sense of the word. but i'm afraid when the teacher comes back, she wouldn't be pleased. but she's being warned, not to expect so much out of me. i mean, i don't have any experience in this field so...

one thing they never fail to ask is my age. realli, there's not much age gap here. but it's kinda scary knowing that the kids are smart, maybe even smarter than me. we can't underestimate the kids these days right? took the train this morning, just like any other days, i would sit and just shut my eyes (seriously speaking, never have i ever wake up early at 5 just for school). suddenly realised someone was sitting beside me... and this person kept staring at me! so when i looked over, found out she's one of my student. greeted me by saying 'penat tcher?'

it's kinda sweet you know, knowing that the students aren't afraid to approach you. and we just talked all the way to school....

teach!

I LOST MY VOICE!!

it just takes 3 days to lose it. not that i was garang or anything but, was having sore throat before the start. teachers thought i've been shouting. what? do i look like a mad teacher?

first class lesson was... dots! started out having problems with the door. even the students couldn't help. they were like saying, "maybe mdm teo's inside tak nak kasi kita masuk.." (mdm teo's the one i'm reliefing for, btw) took 1/2 the time to settle the class down. as always, they would like to sit with their own friends. but i didn't let them with the intention to know them. in the end, it was a bit too late for me to teach, so we didn't do anything except stare at each other.

second lesson was... an eye opener. see, i always thought or presumed that they already know how to do the work. as in, the work given was very simple really. but later i found out that they were having trouble. worse, i myself am weak at that particular topic. so now, i have to find stuffs to make the lesson clearer for the next time round.

3rd lesson was a workout for me. waited for about 20 mins and realised the kids were not coming. went around looking for someone to help. in the end, i had to go from one block to another at the farthest end and escort the kids to the room. when i ask, "why didn't you guys come down?" with the reply "oh, our teacher said don't go out of the class.." -_____-"" but still, there's another cute surprise. i asked the class to draw these main 3 shapes - cube, cone and cylinder. like i said, it's really simple. but once i walked around looking at how they do, then i realised it wasn't the case. "ok class, who doesn't know how to draw these?" almost all hands were up. best...

4th lesson was the sweetest. everyone cooperated. work's much easier although again, i had to search for the kids. it's pleasing when the students were like, "wah! tcher, you very pro ah!" hmm... just by showing off lines and dots can already receive praises like that... i love this job already! haha! then one asked, "tcher, are you an american?" huh??

5th lesson -today! my voice was already gone. took the express class. same thing happened like yesterday, they were late. having learnt from experience, i went up to the classroom, but they're not there! met them on the way back. thank god! but then this time round, they were saying stuffs like, "aiyah tcher, this one we already learn in DnT.. don't need to do work ah...", "wah tcher! you draw like shit ah! i can do better!" i just shrug it off. but still, the mood to teach wasn't really there. they're not interested at all, neither was i. in the end, their works were C-R-A-P. literally. small brain talk big. they were even rude! i haven't even finish demonstrating they already hand in their work. now i'm thinking, this class needs some serious talk.

last lesson of the week was Character Development. took place after recess. carried a whole box of journals weighing at 1/2 a ton to the classroom. they're not there. again. yes, again. waited, waited, waited, waited. finally one little girl appeared. (with no voice) "are you from 1E3?" she noded. "where are you guys at? i've been waiting for so long..!" "we're at the hall.. coz no teacher taking us.." -_________-""""" so 1/2 the time was wasted, with another half spending time communicating with the help of a marker.

and get this, after these 3 days, i still don't have a table for myself, i've been secluded in that classroom the whole freakin time, no social life with other teachers and plus the computer can't be used. how lonely is that!

me and them

it's scary to think what's coming for me. now that june's ending, to supposedly follow the plan, i should get a permanent job by now. but the call for relief teaching came first and so without wasting any time, i just grabbed it. NIE's not responding. i'm aware that part of it, if not all, is my fault. yea.. no 'conscious effort'.

it's on purpose, you see. i don't really see myself teach though i yearn for it. it's difficult for me in a sense to explain things out in verbal literally. i don't know what's the cause but i've been searching. more or less, i suspect that the reason for my little socialisation skill affects the way i bring myself out. i am trying though, to get used to open up and gain others' adoration, understand them, etc. but i'm afraid it'll be too late when i get to do that.

the past still haunts i guess. i'm trying, really, to get over it. but of course, sometimes things appear the other way round when we try to overcome it. then at that time, you're back to square one. this is where i always say, i'm learning.

so yea, this part of me, i have to really mend it before i can go into that next stage. relief teaching should be easy. if not, i just take it as a trial. no harm there. but why NIE in the first place right? honestly, i think it's an easy way out. but to be honest with myself, i don't think i can do a good job to it, it'll be unfair to the students. i'm not ready to take it in full, at least not for now.

renungan

KRC
thinking back, one thing that irritates me a lot was how i had slept both in the bus and the bunk itself. i don't really know how it seemed like but i'm sure it's buruk la seh! and thing is, i'm still keeping the skill of sleep-sitting til now. i should better stop it. it's like, once i sit, i'd immediately go into a trance state to sleep.

believe it or not, i actually went into a revery last night. woke up in the middle of the night, found myself asleep alone on the bed. went around the house looking for zee and the rest. unsatisfied, i woke aishah up...

me: sha! sha! mana yang lain??
sis: huh? semua ada per...?
me: takder... !!!
sis: (went to our parents room) tu umi ngan abah.. ada per.. redha kat camp tau...
me: taaakkk... yang lain la..
sis: JA, KAU MENGIGAU LA!!!

then of course, woke up in the morning greeted by aishah saying 'haa.. dah balik Ja?'

actually, i was supposed to go for xplore post-morterm but couldn't. must have felt amissed before going to bed by that. so that's why.

anyway, as i said before, my purpose of KRC was for me to get closer to the fityan people. alhamdulillah, it's a bit better for me to mingle around them. and what's bonus when i get to especially meet Ust. Sakinah and Kak Aisha. they're cool people yo. then not forgetting the others that never fail to inspire me to be more than who i am:

hanisah. she's just 15 and so manja. that aside, she's the most caring and helpful towards me in the camp.

syaza/mariah. when we talked about sejarah islam that night, i swear i wished i could be better than her. she's goooooddd!

maryam and zee. the all-smiles.

***
takeaways:
- leaders need to get replaced.
- leaders too need consultations.
- leaders need to have a goal and purpose
- leaders need to have strong mind and body
- leaders need to be ready
- leaders need to have skills
- leaders need to have followers

basically, leaders need to be a MUSLIM.

xplore 0608

sticky, sleepy, achy - 2 days felt like the whole week! and it was all swell, alhamdulillah. the kids loved it!

my group could talk almost anything and everything under the sun! GOD, to think that they're just 12 and 13 yr olds... it's amazing! then with sabirah being there spicing things up; she just talks and laughs 24 7. it was just easy, i should say. and the kids could gel up together instantly. how i'd love to have been like them.

i was there to maintain the order through out. seriously, i'd be a general if it hadn't been because i'm afraid i'd be too harsh on the girls. rite. then when asked, they said 'no.. kak sha's not garang...'. good i guess? honestly, i was afraid i couldn't carry out myself as a good faci. you know, those boring, strictly and routinely kind. but i tried my attempt to make the group a fun one. ntahla... i sure know i can do much much much better. hargh.. i just need to break out from this state. insya allah, krc will change me for the better. i look forward to it.

i enjoyed being with them really. the thought of them just makes me smile from one ear to the other. they're not kiddy-ish, NO- they're over that! they're so chatty and cunning and cute and funny! macam makcik-makcik... i'm here, having to feel that we've developed that bond between ourselves. i do hope we'll meet again sometimes later. :')

my adiks-adiks...

nikon

suddenly i miss photography.

niceguynomore.multiply.com
nortynorty.multiply.com

FF marathon

it was 8.30pm....

kring kring.. kringgggg!!!!!
me: hello.. (with almost groggy voice)
pah: sha, OMG! kau baru bangun tido ke pe?
me: no.. aku baru dah nak tido...
nad (at the back): siapa tido kul lapan??!!

and off we went aimless at first. soon we find ourselves at mac. had our sundae and fries while arafah could still stomach in her burger after having rice earlier on!

nad: suddenly i feel like having cheese fries
me: oh good idea.. let's go KFC!
pah: oh then we'll go BK... then maybe LJ... then...





then we end up with koi and a bulging stomach that should last us maybe 2 yrs later? haha. to days like this!
p.s. i know u're going to kill me for putting that up but, i'll miss you sehh

WAH LAO EH!

i'm considering tarannum. actualli, long time ago already... just haven't got the rezeki yet. insya allah next year. yeah...!

been trying but, i'm always out of breath. there're various techniques on how to improve on the breathing; i'm told some, especially those from malaysia, go swimming in the wee hours! or jog... or just dip your head in a tub of water and try holding the breath as long as possible. haha!

mum on the other hand would gurgle everyday after subuh. i find it absurd no doubt. it's noisy! but she care for nuts so... sometimes it's frustrating, ya. but we're used to it i guess. we've been waking up and dozing off to her screeching voice. still, the nerve!

you know, god does work his magic mysteriously. i was so down the other day, i asked for motivation. i didn't have anything to do but find myself reading a book. then came upon this surah in malay translation... wasn't convinced so i checked up in english. soon i started to read the whole thing. it was surah at taubah section 15 onwards. what struck me the most is this:
(124) whenever there cometh down a surah, some of them say "which of you have his faith increased by it?" yea, those who believe, - their faith is increased and they do rejoice.

yeap allah, thank you. i'm gonna still try...

insya allah, siapa yang menyintai quran akan dicintai Allah.

how to sing:
http://choirsinger.com/breathe2.html

secret heart two

ya allah,

put me with those who are close to you and rasulullah :'(

23 may

CAN I NOT GO FOR THE CONVOCATION?!!!!!

really, without you guys being there, and the grades that are nothing too be proud of, and knowing others are somehow contributing to the rising economy..... IT JUST FEELS SHITTY.

i got a diploma. yea...

update:
i'm still considering. mom was like saying 'tak nak amek gambar?' i think what she means is that she wants to see me up on that stage receiving the cert and feel proud for me. and i'm thinking, after all that money they had spent on me, surely they'd want to see me wearing that robe clutching that paper even though it's hideous!

it's a big deal huh?
i think i need a knock on the head or sumthin...

before sunrise

i love it! maybe it's just because i'm in the mood for it. haha. well, it'll always happen when one can't help hoping for it to come knocking, no?? honestly, i can see myself in that situation, you know.. just randomly meet and have fun and fall in love.. all exciting and adventurous!

i wish i was the writer. the words in it.... they're just so beautiful, so true. celine just reminds me of me really.
You need to resign yourself to the awkwardness of life. Only if you find peace within yourself, will you find true connection with others.

they say, there can only be one for you somewhere out there in this world. i couldn't agree more, depending on our high level of faith. haha. and then some say we'll just know he/she's the one when we look at that one for the first time. as in, the attraction just happens, not necessarily love at first sight. what else? basically love is subjective. it is complicated, but i'd like to make it simple for myself:

love can happen anytime when it and is lillahi ta'ala. because i think only through that, that whatever happens, you're gonna make it work or even out and alive.

nyahh. but i guess for guys out there who would wish to have a shot on me, i leave you with this:

at least for now...

other than that, those who haven't got to watch the movie GO SEE IT!

imam ghazali

although it's just a few hundreds of pages, it takes a long while than i expected. took the whole day to finish revising just one chapter! thing about it is that, it forces you to reflect a lot more, no matter how many times u've read about it. one page by one page, you just can't help but swallow the bitterness of discovering yourself.

taking a short break now. gonna re-revise again for the parts i missed out. agdygagagigvab!

i like the part about harta kekayaan. i realised, there's nothing to it other than a test from god. if you don't have it, don't try to get greedy over it. lagipun, banyak yang masuk syurga adalah orang yang tak kaya, because there's a very low chance of them doing maksiat. yang loaded tu, or at least ada duit sikit pun, jangan pula jadi haji/hajah bakhil. kalau ia sebagai bekalan masa depan pun tak ada gurantee kekal. Allah boleh rampas hartanya bila-bila sahaja. malah, lagi murah hati, lagi tambah rezekinya!

this next 2 weeks will be my exam. pray for me ya! i want to do GOOD!

There is no salvation like the heart’s salvation, given that all the limbs respond to its desires. Therefore, knowledge of the heart’s ailments, what causes each of them and what removes them, is an obligation on everyone. [Imam al-Mawlud]

the big two oh

and so, selamat hari jadi yang ke DUAPULUH kepada sahabatku yang tersayang, NURYANI BTE YAHYA!!


hahah! it's good that i get it right this time ;p

she in turn advised me to enjoy my last few months of being a teenager before it hits me. hmm... which reminds me, when i was young, i'd always hate myself for being the baby among my friends. lol. but now... jeng jeng jeng! hehehehehehhe...

wahai sahabat2ku semua yang akan bakal menjadi 20, of course there's no turning back once it hits us. but must think positive! dun't make it sound like it's wrong to get older. kalau ingat diri kita ini tua, memang kita rasa tua. umur semakin meningkat, tak bermaksud badan tak larat lagi buat benda2 yang tak senonoh. weheheh. only that it'll be limited lah coz we get wiser when growing old. alah.. nak nak, decent nonsense pun jadi lah....

i noe.. aku sendiri cakap merepek.

but really, when we get even older, we will feel young ourselves. that is if we're happy with what we'd be. insya allah we will. orang islam yang sebenar-benarnya selalu akan menjadi baik dari semalam harinya.

whatever it is, we love you beb!!!

p.s. katak tu masih menunggu.. kesian dia...

secret heart one

hmm ok. u noe, when we get to grow older, the one thing that always bothers is time.

had our maulid yesterday. babah almost cried when she saw us came. i noe, apart from being glad knowing we're all there, it's been so long since we last saw her. it's fortunate that khala yon always do gatherings and stuff. if not, i duno when will i see her next time. it's not easy explaining how that can happen. and i'm not sure if i can make it any better now. how??

it's not a matter of how much you ask for now, it's time to give back. ritttee, that had really gave me a slap in the face. thnx.

it's pretty confusing. i tell myself, forget and forgive.. coz that's the only best way. but it's difficult, you see. i've pushed myself hard enough but i can only go so far....

boring one

i have a lot of drafts in this blog! thing is, i'm unsure if i should publish them. i mean, they're kinda redundant.

anyway, things have been going well. i'm not gona brood over the fact that i'm jobless coz i haven't felt boredom yet. haha. i tell others i'm lepak-ing but that's just me being humble. i'm so not the type to duduk diam. actually, i've learnt from my mistakes during my junior days. it's so not a nice feeling to just waste the time just like that. two blessings many people lose are health and free time for doing good.

so yea... been filling my time with classes, studies, friends, teaching, crafts, recipes and not to forget, fityan ghufran. yes, you heard me right! haaaahaaaaa... you know, the feeling of accomplishments when you see your planner's being filled?

put that aside, i'm glad we met up yesterday. one day guys, one day... we'll have the time of our lives. secretly i'm looking forward to that. i'm thinking, we'd get lost somewhere then try to find a way out... in the middle of it, there'd be bickering and stuffs but at the end, it'd strengthen the bond ever more. hahahha! 7 yrs and still counting babes... we'll have more to wrestle and laugh at ourselves no doubt.

i'm just psyched for this weekend. kassim with fatmah, pergas and johor! tho not really the last part coz i'm truly malas but oklah...

in the meantime, hoping to get in NIE. please pray for me ya!

rise

sesungguhnya Allah benci pada orang yang suka mengeluh!

i'm BAAAAACCCKKKKKKK!!!!!

haha!

a few reasons why:
- i can't help laughing at my silly old self when i read my old blogs. this is my 4th, i tell you!
- i can't help thinking, am i really old????
- i have yet to get a profession
- wonderful things happened for this past month... ;P
- i miss sharing this piece of me! i realised, it's good for me myself, to remind myself of who's me. you know?

seriously!
rahmat allah memang luas ehk?

i wish i could tell about the night cycling i had with fityan ghufran. i wish i could tell about the survey job i had once not too long time ago. i wish i could tell what i've gone through letting me to search myself. i wish i could tell what i'm doing now to show the reason why God is great.

i suppose i'm lovin life, learning to just leave it all to fate?

i feel special.

OH! HAZIQ'S BIRTHDAY is TODAY! i miss that ol' chap.... may he grow up to be my warrior of Islam.

treasure

SLOW DANCE by David L. Weatherford

Have you ever watched kids on a merry-go-round,
or listened to rain slapping the ground?

Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight,
or gazed at the sun fading into the night?

You better slow down, don't dance so fast,
time is short, the music won't last.

Do you run through each day on the fly,
when you ask "How are you?", do you hear the reply?

When the day is done, do you lie in your bed,
with the next hundred chores running through your head?

You better slow down, don't dance so fast,
time is short, the music won't last.

Ever told your child, we'll do it tomorrow,
and in your haste, not see his sorrow?

Ever lost touch, let a friendship die,
'cause you never had time to call and say hi?

You better slow down, don't dance so fast,
time is short, the music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere,
you miss half the fun of getting there.

When you worry and hurry through your day,
it's like an unopened gift thrown away.

Life isn't a race, so take it slower,
hear the music before your song is over.