teach!

I LOST MY VOICE!!

it just takes 3 days to lose it. not that i was garang or anything but, was having sore throat before the start. teachers thought i've been shouting. what? do i look like a mad teacher?

first class lesson was... dots! started out having problems with the door. even the students couldn't help. they were like saying, "maybe mdm teo's inside tak nak kasi kita masuk.." (mdm teo's the one i'm reliefing for, btw) took 1/2 the time to settle the class down. as always, they would like to sit with their own friends. but i didn't let them with the intention to know them. in the end, it was a bit too late for me to teach, so we didn't do anything except stare at each other.

second lesson was... an eye opener. see, i always thought or presumed that they already know how to do the work. as in, the work given was very simple really. but later i found out that they were having trouble. worse, i myself am weak at that particular topic. so now, i have to find stuffs to make the lesson clearer for the next time round.

3rd lesson was a workout for me. waited for about 20 mins and realised the kids were not coming. went around looking for someone to help. in the end, i had to go from one block to another at the farthest end and escort the kids to the room. when i ask, "why didn't you guys come down?" with the reply "oh, our teacher said don't go out of the class.." -_____-"" but still, there's another cute surprise. i asked the class to draw these main 3 shapes - cube, cone and cylinder. like i said, it's really simple. but once i walked around looking at how they do, then i realised it wasn't the case. "ok class, who doesn't know how to draw these?" almost all hands were up. best...

4th lesson was the sweetest. everyone cooperated. work's much easier although again, i had to search for the kids. it's pleasing when the students were like, "wah! tcher, you very pro ah!" hmm... just by showing off lines and dots can already receive praises like that... i love this job already! haha! then one asked, "tcher, are you an american?" huh??

5th lesson -today! my voice was already gone. took the express class. same thing happened like yesterday, they were late. having learnt from experience, i went up to the classroom, but they're not there! met them on the way back. thank god! but then this time round, they were saying stuffs like, "aiyah tcher, this one we already learn in DnT.. don't need to do work ah...", "wah tcher! you draw like shit ah! i can do better!" i just shrug it off. but still, the mood to teach wasn't really there. they're not interested at all, neither was i. in the end, their works were C-R-A-P. literally. small brain talk big. they were even rude! i haven't even finish demonstrating they already hand in their work. now i'm thinking, this class needs some serious talk.

last lesson of the week was Character Development. took place after recess. carried a whole box of journals weighing at 1/2 a ton to the classroom. they're not there. again. yes, again. waited, waited, waited, waited. finally one little girl appeared. (with no voice) "are you from 1E3?" she noded. "where are you guys at? i've been waiting for so long..!" "we're at the hall.. coz no teacher taking us.." -_________-""""" so 1/2 the time was wasted, with another half spending time communicating with the help of a marker.

and get this, after these 3 days, i still don't have a table for myself, i've been secluded in that classroom the whole freakin time, no social life with other teachers and plus the computer can't be used. how lonely is that!

me and them

it's scary to think what's coming for me. now that june's ending, to supposedly follow the plan, i should get a permanent job by now. but the call for relief teaching came first and so without wasting any time, i just grabbed it. NIE's not responding. i'm aware that part of it, if not all, is my fault. yea.. no 'conscious effort'.

it's on purpose, you see. i don't really see myself teach though i yearn for it. it's difficult for me in a sense to explain things out in verbal literally. i don't know what's the cause but i've been searching. more or less, i suspect that the reason for my little socialisation skill affects the way i bring myself out. i am trying though, to get used to open up and gain others' adoration, understand them, etc. but i'm afraid it'll be too late when i get to do that.

the past still haunts i guess. i'm trying, really, to get over it. but of course, sometimes things appear the other way round when we try to overcome it. then at that time, you're back to square one. this is where i always say, i'm learning.

so yea, this part of me, i have to really mend it before i can go into that next stage. relief teaching should be easy. if not, i just take it as a trial. no harm there. but why NIE in the first place right? honestly, i think it's an easy way out. but to be honest with myself, i don't think i can do a good job to it, it'll be unfair to the students. i'm not ready to take it in full, at least not for now.

renungan

KRC
thinking back, one thing that irritates me a lot was how i had slept both in the bus and the bunk itself. i don't really know how it seemed like but i'm sure it's buruk la seh! and thing is, i'm still keeping the skill of sleep-sitting til now. i should better stop it. it's like, once i sit, i'd immediately go into a trance state to sleep.

believe it or not, i actually went into a revery last night. woke up in the middle of the night, found myself asleep alone on the bed. went around the house looking for zee and the rest. unsatisfied, i woke aishah up...

me: sha! sha! mana yang lain??
sis: huh? semua ada per...?
me: takder... !!!
sis: (went to our parents room) tu umi ngan abah.. ada per.. redha kat camp tau...
me: taaakkk... yang lain la..
sis: JA, KAU MENGIGAU LA!!!

then of course, woke up in the morning greeted by aishah saying 'haa.. dah balik Ja?'

actually, i was supposed to go for xplore post-morterm but couldn't. must have felt amissed before going to bed by that. so that's why.

anyway, as i said before, my purpose of KRC was for me to get closer to the fityan people. alhamdulillah, it's a bit better for me to mingle around them. and what's bonus when i get to especially meet Ust. Sakinah and Kak Aisha. they're cool people yo. then not forgetting the others that never fail to inspire me to be more than who i am:

hanisah. she's just 15 and so manja. that aside, she's the most caring and helpful towards me in the camp.

syaza/mariah. when we talked about sejarah islam that night, i swear i wished i could be better than her. she's goooooddd!

maryam and zee. the all-smiles.

***
takeaways:
- leaders need to get replaced.
- leaders too need consultations.
- leaders need to have a goal and purpose
- leaders need to have strong mind and body
- leaders need to be ready
- leaders need to have skills
- leaders need to have followers

basically, leaders need to be a MUSLIM.

xplore 0608

sticky, sleepy, achy - 2 days felt like the whole week! and it was all swell, alhamdulillah. the kids loved it!

my group could talk almost anything and everything under the sun! GOD, to think that they're just 12 and 13 yr olds... it's amazing! then with sabirah being there spicing things up; she just talks and laughs 24 7. it was just easy, i should say. and the kids could gel up together instantly. how i'd love to have been like them.

i was there to maintain the order through out. seriously, i'd be a general if it hadn't been because i'm afraid i'd be too harsh on the girls. rite. then when asked, they said 'no.. kak sha's not garang...'. good i guess? honestly, i was afraid i couldn't carry out myself as a good faci. you know, those boring, strictly and routinely kind. but i tried my attempt to make the group a fun one. ntahla... i sure know i can do much much much better. hargh.. i just need to break out from this state. insya allah, krc will change me for the better. i look forward to it.

i enjoyed being with them really. the thought of them just makes me smile from one ear to the other. they're not kiddy-ish, NO- they're over that! they're so chatty and cunning and cute and funny! macam makcik-makcik... i'm here, having to feel that we've developed that bond between ourselves. i do hope we'll meet again sometimes later. :')

my adiks-adiks...

nikon

suddenly i miss photography.

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