preventing war is imperative

i cried for a man who had life, guiltless and full of zeal. he spoke of human most importantly, that we hold responsible to care for the world. i'll miss him.

but what's more dear to me that i've been missing myself out with, is the time i spend with the King. i love Him very much, but i guess it's still not enough. i'm finding back the reason why i started it in the first place. because i just feel like i'm missing out on a lot of other things, that i'm stuck, then i don't know what to do and i don't know if whatever i'm doing is right.

...just know that my heart is there, but i can't afford the means to get there. i'm just sad. that void of time has been wasted, filled with temporary high. i'm just sad.

we meet again

i shouldn't have stopped. i recall someone requested for a tagboard so it's easier to comment. my entry at that time wasn't about me being in my best, and that made me realise it's embarrassing. and so that was it, i moved to multiply where i can control the privacy. but after awhile i find it such a bore, my posts too were affected and became a bunch of sample grocery coupons. i guess i woke up on the wrong side of the bed today, and that literally pushed my arse back here again.

this blog, for sure had gone through a lot of editing, so it only shows the rainbow and not the clouds. hopefully it stays that way. 

so what really happened today? nothing. that's the point. actually it has been empty since i don't know when. and i could have stayed there if i had wanted to. but, we all know, it's never a wise choice, ever! work's the cause, it's the toll. though there're bits of fityan in it, it just doesn't feel the same as when i started off. you see, i'm an adult now. i have more responsible than before. i have to already plan the future. 

man... do you realise? there's no 'haha' thus far.

i'm lacking, of being truly appeased. except for that one moment when i had chanted (with a horrible tone that is) "lets laugh, and dance, and siiiiiinnnnggg!!!.." and the next thing that came were two aunties frm GRC knocking on my door to give me money. GST money. haha! woot! ok mepekzz. of course Allah has been so good to me all the while, i cannot forget all that. like the many times the bus stopped right in front of me for me to board. yeah, it always makes me feel like a VIP. ehh, who wouldn't appreciate that when most of the times you'll be competing with other kiasu ah sohs especially when the bus is full you could almost kiss the door?

it's just work. that pompuan has that stress effect on everybody. i hate it everytime she comes into office, the black head would bob up and down it seems, behind the wall divider from where i sit. i will quickly click on the x button on the google window and stare into the screen, acting as if there's something i'm doing. to top it off, she's black, and coming in bringing that black face won't help the mood up. 

it's already july. it'll be my 1st anniversary with her this coming oct. one thing that makes me stay is the money. that's it. other girls couldn't stand her and left. i guess, they've been living too rich of a life. people have been telling me, "if you get through this, you'll get through anything". but that has been the case since secondary school. so if you tell me 'this' as if it's the darnest thing on earth, it's actually nothing for me. really.

so what's the darnest thing on earth that i ever came across with? adalaahhhhh.. tak yah kaypoh....

i'm down with flu now. i won't make myself to the doc. either i'd walk around with a paperbag on or be at the old folks home. at least it's better than the mask or the quarantine :X